That Time I Could Have Lost My Eye

This will be my first post in two months. Many bloggers do take a break from time to time and I've done the same myself, but this particular break was not my choice. I couldn't even get on the computer to tell anyone what was going on.

I could have lost my eye.

Or at least my vision.

Now maybe that's the dramatist in me coming out because none of my doctors ever mentioned it, but when your eye has two different infections going on at once that aren't getting better despite weeks on several different medications, you know that it's a possibility.

It all started last summer when our littlest man poked me in the eye with his finger. My eye didn't heal back quite right so just opening my eyes in the morning could cause it to reopen the sore again. It happened almost every month, the last time in March. When I went in for a follow-up appointment, the doctor took one look at my eye and said, "Oh crap!"

Somewhere along the way, I developed a bacterial infection and a fungal infection in my eye that did not want to leave.

The next few weeks were spent in limbo. My eye would look better and then it would be worse two days later. They had to pull out the swabs and scrapers to take cultures for testing and take photos of my eye with a microscope/camera. New prescriptions kept being added, one of which had to be specially made fresh each week.

I spent an entire month laying in bed, in the dark, and listening to audio books. Any light made my eye hurt more horribly than it already did. At my worst point, I was going to the doctor 2-3 times a week, my eye was taped shut, and I was using 2-4 different eye drops every 1-2 hours around the clock.

I had to drop out of my classes.

I was so scared.

I prayed and cried harder than I had in a long time. My faith was shaky. I listened to the audio of Romans 8 on my Bible app over and over but verse 32 kept repeating in my head:

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

 If God did not spare his own Son from suffering because of his love for me, then I can trust that he is doing bigger things than I can see in my suffering as well. In the context of life and eternity, my eye is just an eye.

Thankfully, it seems I get to keep my eye for now. As I write this, I'm on my first week without any medicine and hopefully that is that. My eye is still achy and irritated at times but I'm mostly back to normal. The ulcer and the infection left me with a scar and blurry vision but I'm very happy just to still have an eye and that it can see.

The last couple months were hard on all of us. It was hard on the boys going from mommy being there 24/7 to mommy not being there at all and only seeing me a few brief times a day. I have an awesome husband and family. I'm not sure what I would have done it we didn't live near our families. Church family brought us food. Everyone made sure the boys were taken care of, drove me to my appointments, and picked up my prescriptions.

So that's where I've been the last couple months. I'm starting classes again this summer and I hope to be back painting and writing again more often very soon! And if all goes well in the next couple weeks, the next time you see me I should be rocking a cute pair of glasses!