Life As We Know It

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

This post has been a long time coming and it's been percolating in my head for a while. It's been years since I have written a post but this blog has never been far from my mind. I always knew I would come back to it someday.

I just knew I couldn't write until I had a more settled understanding of myself and my family. 

After our big move to Michigan a few years ago, I was dealing with a severe back pain issue along with all the post-move adjustments that came to our family. I was depressed and anxious and so were my kids. My husband was dealing with a new job. It was too much. 

I burnt out.

It was a dark and hazy time for me. I don't know how much further to get into it than that because I have no clue where the TMI line is. But there have been a lot of things to work through and I've made some self-discoveries. Now I feel like I'm finally functioning fairly normally again. 

In the midst of it, we've been the process of seeking diagnoses for my neurodivergent kiddos, along with navigating therapies, IEPs, and homeschooling. And Covid. 

Still not sure how we caught that one.

So, I'm still here. I stink at sharing personal stuff and writing lengthy blog posts but I do have plans to blog more often. I'm also trying my hand at fiction writing so I may start sharing some of that as well. 

If you're still here following along after a three year break, you can leave me a comment and let me know! 

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New Year, New House

Last year I kinda sorta gave up on writing. Not completely though because I'm stubborn. And because I do so love writing, especially research papers(totally not being sarcastic, I love research papers).

Yet here I am again.

Because I'm stubborn.

I'm certain that my innate stubbornness is one of the main reasons I made it through last year. It's been nearly that long since my last post and so much has happened in that time. It's been a year full of stress, anxiety, depression, pain, and upheaval. 

Last summer, we said goodbye to Virginia and moved to our place in Michigan. When we first bought it, we didn't expect to live there a long time but then Hubby made a career change and everything happened rather suddenly. We are currently living in the basement since we already had renters upstairs. 

I suppose it's a good size for a basement but coming from a two story house to a basement has definitely been an adjustment. There are some things I've enjoyed about it though. I can hear the boys playing from wherever they are, I'm forced to only unpack what I need and live simply, and there's no stuff gathering on the stairs for me to put away(I feel like much of my time in our last house was spent going up and down stairs). 

The cons are that I can still hear the boys playing from wherever they are, I can't unpack all my stuff so there are boxes everywhere, and all our stuff just gathers on the pool table instead. The sink and dishwasher is miles away from the actual kitchen area and I think that's my biggest issue so far.

The view of the backyard makes up for a whole lot.

I wish I had more before pictures of the house. My phone broke after the move so I lost some of my pictures but I did manage to salvage a few photos. Excuse the horrible photography. I'm pretty sure that my old phone had the worse camera ever. These are all from the basement the day we moved in. I shared more upstairs pictures back when we first bought it.

We had so much help from family to get it cleared and ready. There's no way we could have done it all on our own. They cleared out trash, donated stuff, ripped out carpet, moved furniture, and cleaned everything in the couple weeks before we arrived. Someone even loaned us their RV for us to live in while we got things more livable in the basement.

I feel like this move has been good for us in a lot of ways. There's that feeling of starting over brand new, everything clean and free of expectations. The property is quiet and secluded; I'm already attached to this small city and its slower pace. I feel more at peace now than I have in a long time, even if there is a Ratatouille situation in my attic.

We've fought off stinkbugs, met the local fire department, and survived Arctic temperatures. I even bought myself a puffy coat and snow boots, things I never thought I would own. I guess we're Michiganders now after all.

I'm excited to see where it leads us.

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5 Things You Might Not Know About Me

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I'm not much of a voluntary sharer. I probably should have thought about that a little more before deciding to write and publish anything but here we are! And I'm so glad you are. I don't write this kind of post very often. I tend to have a hard time finding that happy medium between too little and too much info sharing so I'm hoping that I've managed to do that without completely embarrassing myself!

Some of you that have been here a while may have picked up on some of my quirks already but I know there are some new readers here too. Since you are here to read my words, I'd like you to get to know the person behind them!

To start with, I've been married to my wonderful, fellow introvert Hubby for 8 years and we have two boys that we are currently homeschooling. I'm working my way toward a degree in Interior Design while also attempting to figure out my path as a writer and watching way too many superhero TV shows.

Here are 5 other things that you might not know about me.

1. I'm a highly sensitive introvert.

With a touch of social anxiety and a face that always looks grumpy. Not such a great combination for winning friends and influencing people. Writing works better for me. You can't see me unintentionally glaring at you behind this screen and I get time to think through my words without those weird stops when I glance out into space. Win-win for all of us!

I have my difficult moments in our extroverted culture but I do love being an introvert.

2. I have a weird fascination with birds.

I'm not sure that I like birds. I don't even want a bird(ok, except for chickens but that's only because they make me eggs and I need those to make cake). However, I do like to watch birds and identify them. Doing a "Big Year" sounds like a great way to spend some time. The movie, The Big Year, with Steve Martin, Jack Black, and Owen Wilson, is one of my favorites.

I am fully aware of my weirdness.

3. I'm a nerd.

And a Hufflepuff.

I'll read or watch pretty much anything, from sci-fi to fantasy to the classics. I was always the studious kid that (mostly) followed the rules and got good grades. Last week, I received an A- on a paper for my art history class and then proceeded to grouse about it all day.

Hubby was not sympathetic.

And I kinda feel like I'm the odd mom that has no problem with the husband and kids playing video games. Probably because I'm playing them too. Ask me about my level 29 wood elf with super sneak and mad archery skills.

4. I broke a personality test.

I'm not talking about those random "What Disney Princess are You" quizzes. I'm talking about those free tests on supposedly reputable personality profiling sites. I took the test and, after calculating my answers, I was told that the algorithm couldn't figure me out. I get a different answer on every test I take and I've been typed as every introverted type at least once.

Based on my obsession with research of the Myers-Briggs personality typing and after taking pretty much every single free test out there, I've come to the conclusion that the "I" is strong with this one and that every other letter is extremely balanced. Based on cognitive functions, I believe that I may have finally found a home in the ISFJ camp, although sometimes I relate to the INFJ type as well.

As far as the Enneagram goes, it confuses me but I think I'm a 6? Or maybe a 9? With some 4 thrown in somewhere? My best guess is that those three make up my tritype.

If that means anything to any of you, yay! If it doesn't, Feel free to ignore my crazy rambling. I hope you'll stick around here anyway!

5. I can't really pick a favorite book but if I had to... 

I would have to pick The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy. Set during the French Revolution, it's just got that right mix of history, fiction, romance, action, suspense, and cleverness. I also highly recommend the movie version with Anthony Andrews, Ian McKellen, and Jane Seymour. 

Two more book favorites are Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.

So that's five things about me!

Due to school and family, I don't get as much time to work on projects and write as I have in the past. However, the boys are getting bigger and sometimes they can play with each other without needing a referee so I grab those times when I can.

Thank you for being a reader. It means so much to me that you are here despite my inconsistent posts. My life is crazy just like yours so I'm glad we can journey this together and maybe make a pretty home along the way!

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My Word of the Year for 2018

Perhaps it's a bit late to be writing a word of the year post. This one particular post for me is always late, usually because I only get to slow down and think about it after the craziness of the holidays. This year we've been sick since Christmas and no one feels like writing about goals while one is laid up with the flu. But we are finally starting to get better around here though and I'm finally feeling more myself.

As I stand here in the new year and look back at 2017, realize what a wild ride it was. There were so many challenges and stressors that we never anticipated. Not only did we have the normal stressors of work, school, and family, but we unexpectedly bought a house too.

I overwhelm very easily. Some days I wake up overwhelmed. When I'm like this, I retreat into myself and become frustrated at the slightest thing that dares disturb my desire for peace(like noisy little boys). I've been living haphazardly, hoping everything would just work out eventually.

This year, I'm working to change that.

My word of the year for 2018 is intentional.

Positive Negativity

If you have ever seen the movie Inside Out, you know the story is from the perspective of five emotions in the head of a girl named Riley: Fear, Anger, Disgust, Sadness, and Joy. The emotion in charge, Joy, can always find the bright side of anything and tries her best to make sure everything is always upbeat and happy. One of my favorite things about the movie is that it showcases the importance of all the human emotions and the roles they play in our lives.

15 Lessons to Learn by 30

This month I turned 30.

For me, birthdays are usually not too different from any other day. I'm not sentimental about them and, since I prefer to avoid being the center of attention, I'm perfectly fine with letting them go by with little to no fanfare. Except this one. When I reached 30 it hit me hard. Much harder than I thought it would.

I've been married almost seven and a half years and it really doesn't feel that long. In the next seven and a half years, I'll be nearing 40. The realization of just how fast time goes now that I'm older, the pants that fit tighter than they did last year, a week of sick kids plus sleep deprivation, all added up to one bad day.

So I started doing what I normally do when I'm stressed. I made a list. A list of 15 lessons that I've learned in 30 years. I filled in with posts from my Instagram account because I was lazy for something different than my usual photos. Just for fun.

1. It's ok to start a project or hobby and then quit if you fall flat on your face. You learned something about yourself even if all you learned was that you weren't good at it.

2. How to make my own phone calls and schedule appointments.

3. Coffee is amazing. I'd also like to add that I began adoring coffee before it was cool. It's better hot anyway.

The best part of waking up is seeing this every morning. And every afternoon. At night it's just cruel. #coffeelove #drinkallthecoffees @realinspired

4. It's possible to outgrow friendships, especially as you get older and your interests and values change. You may always be friends and love each other deeply, but you might not be as close. It is sad but it is also ok.

5. You don't ever have to give up on your ideals or quit hoping for their realization.

The Sherwin Williams guy took pity on me and gifted me with this. It's a dream come true! I was sqealing over it for the rest of the day! #colornerd #ilovepaint by @realinspired

6. Public speaking isn't the end of the world(but I'd still rather jump in a pit of nonvenomous snakes).

7. It's ok to be introverted. If someone thinks less of you because of it then it's their problem, not yours. You are not broken; our culture is.

8. Read anything and everything. Never stop.

When #bookworm loves #harrypotter and #cslewis. Oh, the irony...@realinspired

9. Broken hearts heal. They might not forget, but they do stop hurting.

10. Trust your intuiton.

11. Perfection is impossible. Strive for it but be ok with falling short.

12. You have to make your kids do things themselves. It's so hard to implement in real life and I still fail at it, but I know I have to allow them to fail or fly on their own.

13. Marry your best friend. Someone with similar interests that understands you and loves to let you be you.

I don't usually get all sappy and share this kind of thing, but this is my Valentine gift from hubby. I share it because it made me cry and gifts usually don't do that. This one did because this man encourages me to pursue my dreams and try scary things. He's the reason that I'm finally finding my voice and writing the daydreams I've carried in my heart my entire life. He makes me feel brave enough to try. I'm so glad I married my best friend! by @realinspired

14. You have to be that kind of person for the person you marry too. It goes both ways.

15. Listen. Listen when people talk. Listen when they're hurting or disagree with you. Really listen. Sometimes that's all you can do or all anyone needs. You might learn something in the process too.

When I was little, I thought home improvement stores looked like places where dreams came true. That's still what I think at 30. by @realinspired

Here I am at 30.

Do you have any lessons you have learned that you could add to the list? Want to follow on Instagram? Follow this link to the Real Inspired Instagram account!

I Give My Kids Playdough

I give my kids playdough.

Not just on rare occasions. I'm talking every single day if we happen to have it in the house. I buy playdough as often as I buy groceries. It gets tracked over the carpet and, on occasion, it has even made its way upstairs. It ends up on the bottom of shoes, contributes to the daily loads of laundry, and at 5 and (nearly) 3 years old, my boys still aren't convinced that they can't eat it.

Sometimes I have to sweep it up every day. Sometimes I dont feel like sweeping the floor 20 times in 24 hours. Sometimes I give it a couple days and let it build up into a little minefield of dry playdough rocks.

May the odds be ever in your favor if you happen to drop by unannounced.

So why do I torture myself thus?

45 minutes, all to myself.

Ok, probably closer to 30 but that still gives me time to do the dishes. Or not, because Pinterest. Pinterest and coffee. The winning combo.

It makes kids happy which means I usually don't have to hear any fighting for a while. Boys seem especially drawn to things they can smash, crumble, and make into Star Destroyers. If I have to pick between sanity or a house sans smashed playdough, I'll pick my sanity every time. The mess is worth it to me. When I'm caffeinated and sane, everyone's a lot happier anyway.

I'm not even really sure why I felt the need to talk about this except to say that it's ok to have constant messes to clean up. You can have happy kids and make a home that's comfortable and welcoming, even if you have playdough smashed into your carpet occasionally. It's fairly easy to clean up anyway.

So take a deep breath, pull out the playdough, and just let 'em play.

Life These Days

Hi everyone! I hope you all have had a great holiday season! I know it's been a while since I've written anything. I have very much missed writing but as the school year started, life got busy. I started my classes at the community college and I've been working hard to stay on top of the homework.

So, an update on life these days...

Little Man has his own classes now too. He is taking a tap dance class and is enrolled in a Classical, Christian homeschool program called Classical Conversations. He is loving it and I can't believe that my first baby is old enough to start school already! He's a tough, independent, little fighter who loves to argue and march to the beat of his own drum so I'm praying that my nerves and skills can handle teaching him.

So, along with all my math homework, every day with the kids, all the classes, exercise time, and the normal housework, there hasn't been a whole lot of time for anything else. I know math is good for my brain but it turns it into mush first! All my thinking power and extra time have been going into it.

The last few months I've been going to bed after midnight and waking up at or before 6:30. In between, I don't sleep well because both boys still wake up at least once or twice at night. I'm exhausted, cranky, over-caffeinated, and plagued by migraines. I'm pretty sure I went a couple weeks without vacuuming somewhere in there.

I haven't been able to do everything and I've been beating myself up over it.

Today I am done.

I've had to struggle through many days and a lot of emotions to finally come to terms with this stage of life. I want to write more but I can't right now. I want to decorate for all the seasons and work on little projects around the house but I can't do that right now either. I've been trying to do it all and I just can't.

I am not giving up on writing or blogging, I'm just giving myself permission to not post if I can't find the time or mental energy. I'm giving myself permission to not decorate anything. If all I can do is wash laundry, make food, love on all my boys, and work on homework, then that's ok.

I do have some new ideas tumbling around in my head and I may have some extra time this week ao maybe I can get a new post up soon!

Lots of love to those of you that are still hanging around here! I am thankful for you!

My Mommy Survival Kit

Sometimes I wonder about my sanity. We all do, right? Mommy can only take so much little chatter and interaction. My sensitive, introverted self just can't take it after a while.

I love my boys. But boys are so LOUD and rough. Throw in the strongest will ever and some days I just don't know what to do. I am so grateful for my husband because he understands how I am and knows when I need a break.

A tired and overwhelmed mommy is a cranky mommy and so I have a few things I do to help me stay sane. More sleep is always a given. Sometimes you get more, sometimes you get less, but even the best night's sleep can't always combat the crazy. That's why I make sure I also focus on doing these seven things.

That Time I Could Have Lost My Eye

This will be my first post in two months. Many bloggers do take a break from time to time and I've done the same myself, but this particular break was not my choice. I couldn't even get on the computer to tell anyone what was going on.

I could have lost my eye.

Or at least my vision.

Now maybe that's the dramatist in me coming out because none of my doctors ever mentioned it, but when your eye has two different infections going on at once that aren't getting better despite weeks on several different medications, you know that it's a possibility.

Home Goals 2016

You want to know something really unfortunate? My new goals for our home look very much like they did last year. Ok, totally like they did last year. I think I got maybe two things done off of last year's list. I suppose that I just got worn out with life, the universe, and everything. I did get some decluttering done, though not as much as I would have liked.

So this year, I have all these ideas that are mainly built on last year's unaccomplished goals. I like to call them "rollover goals." Too many of my everyday to-do lists are like this, which is also unfortunate.

The lists for 2015 and 2016 may be very similar, but I'm always getting more ideas so the execution will not be what I originally imagined last year. I also get to mark a couple things off the list, like completing the boys' room. Here's what's next on the list!

1. Storage for the powder room.

If I had the money this year, I love to replace the old medicine cabinet with a mirror, put in new lighting, and put in an outlet that's not connected to a light fixture. Since that's not going to happen, especially since we're renting, storage is the next thing this little room needs. 

After Christmas

Hi everyone! I hope you all had a great Christmas season! I don't know about you but the week between Christmas and New Year's is always weird for me. Especially so when the Hubby takes time off from work so every day feels like a lazy Saturday. So here I am, drinking coffee with one kid napping, one kid and the Hubby off to Chick-fil-a for lunch, and me trying super hard to be productive. Despite the rain and the new book that's calling my name.

We decided to have a quiet Christmas this year with just our little family. It was wonderful, even if I did overcook the mashed potatoes into a gluey mess. We have many new toys to find places for and many old toys to quietly dispose of to make room for the new. The boys are really enjoying their new stuff though. One of the most fun things about them getting older is that we can get them things that fit their interests.

Discard

Picking one word that will define the direction of the year can be daunting. As much as I loved having a word for 2014, I never picked out a word of the year for 2015. I thought about it many times but never got around to deciding on one that felt right. So, here I am talking about my newly picked word about 8 months too late.

Discard. 

That's about how this year is going. I'm discarding stuff I don't love, style ideas, hurts, and fears. I'm trying to anyway. It sounds like a rather melancholy word of the year and I suppose it could be, but it is also a freeing one.

Why I Have People Over When I Don't Have A Floor

I've shown you our downstairs kitchen problem. I've told you about our adventure living in the chaos. In all this, we've had friends and family in and out of our house for the last few weeks.

Our instinct when our home is less than perfect, is to hunker down and bar the doors. And if someone, heaven forbid, happens to need in our house, we apologize profusely for the mess and imperfection. We don't want people to see us in all our messy glory.

But...

We still need relationship even in the midst of chaotic living.

Living In The Chaos

In the last few weeks, we've had a water leak, a ripped up floor and baseboards, no pantry storage, and a big hole in the wall. We're currently down to just needing a new floor, new paint, and new storage. It's progress.

But I've had my fair share of "I'm done" moments during this stage.

They usually happen after a long day of keeping the toddler from eating all the crumbs stuck in the exposed floor glue while dealing with the 3 year old's fit every time I simply suggest that he might need to use the potty about now. Another agonizing dinner decision because I can't find anything, and another night of having to eat in the living room because there is way to much crap covering the kitchen table. And another day of fighting the horde of ants traipsing into my kitchen to get to those food crumbs before the Munchkin does.

Get More Done! 5 Tips For Busy Moms

Occasionally I get asked how I manage to get so much done. And I snort-laugh to myself. Let me tell you, I actually don't get much done around here. Most days I'm still trying to figure out supper at 5:00 with the kids screaming and toys everywhere. Perhaps it is the nature of blogging to make you look more productive than you actually are.

Getting things done is my weak spot. Half of my day is spent playing with the boys and half sitting on the couch and watching them play while I get a chance to think. Both my boys have a bit of anxiety so I don't get much time while they're awake to work on things. Lately I haven't been able to work even when they are in bed because of the Munchkin's nighttime separation anxiety.

After the kids went to bed, I used to be able to clean, make myself a mug cake, and sit down to write. Now, I'm up every 30 minutes to an hour to calm down one of the boys. Not my best working and thinking environment. It's been over a week since I last wrote anything here. Right now, that's just where I'm at.

It seems a bit silly to be writing a post like this at this point in my life but these tips still help me, even if I am accomplishing things slower than I would like.

'Twas the Month After Christmas...

'Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house
   The lights were still glowing, everyone was a grouse.
The stocking still hung with a complete lack of care.
    The tree was still up, the lights were still there.

The new presents were strewn about on the floor
    and I didn't think I could take anymore.
Too fatigued to pick up, too tired to think,
    and then from the next room there came a loud shriek.

Keep Trying

Let's be real today, y'all.

These last couple weeks have been really rough and I'm really not sure why.

Can I just confess here? My house is dirty and disorganized. I don't remember the last time I dusted and I'm not sure that pee spot on my mattress from a leaky diaper has aired out sufficiently. Even after sleeping in the guest room for five days

Every bedroom is covered in laundry. Clean laundry that has yet to make it into closets and drawers. Old maternity clothes, too small shoes(darn you, pregnancy!), the boys' outgrown clothes, a random lone sock.

Our future exercise/craft/guest room is nonfunctional. Nothing has a place and, as a result, everything is out of place. This is the next room in my organizing sights.

This is just the upstairs. And I left out the bathrooms. You're welcome. Potty training is going on downstairs. 'Nuff said.

Sometimes things get away from me and I get overwhelmed trying to rein it all back in. Is it like this all the time? No, but it is usually messier than I care for it to be.

I'm not looking for you to throw me a pity party. I share this because I know there are other parents out there right now whose homes and lives are in a similar state. You may have 3 kids under 5 and no time to shower. You barely have time to eat let alone time to sit and sort through all those outgrown clothes your kid wore just once. You may have a husband that works a lot or you're going it by yourself(God bless you!).

This is for you.

It's OK. 

And I say that to myself as well as to you.

Keep waking up every morning. Keep picking up those lone socks. Keep loving your littles. Keep trying.

I know it feels like you're not making a dent in the piles. Believe me, I know. I'm there. Don't give up.

Let's keep trying to make a beautiful home that's full of love. And let's give ourselves grace when we're messy and overwhelmed. Let's do it together.

Behind The Scenes

Remember this post?

So pretty and nice, right?

Want to step behind the lens and see what was going on behind me?

Yikes.

We bloggers show a lot of pretty pictures but real life happens to us too. I always try to show that here. I know it can be disheartening to me when I see all the perfection but none of the angst. I know I'm not the only one. And perfection doesn't make a happy, beautiful home anyway. 

That would be love.

Like what you see? Follow along!

Of Toddlers and Lamps

Little Man has pretty much killed every lamp in the house. Every lamp except this one that is up out of his reach. He is a regular lamp knocker-over. Turn your back and BAM! There goes another one.

Oh, he knows better. But this is the same kid who, after a year and a half, still has to be told to keep his feet off the table at every. single. meal. The need to make sure the rules are still there is strong with this one.

*sigh* He is my child.

Anyway, lamps.

Let's start in the living room, shall we?

The metal is bent or broken so they just do this. I can straighten them, but they stay about 2 seconds before they flop over again. There are even a couple dents in the shades. But we've only had one broken bulb so far! 

I hadn't even had this one for 6 months...at least it was only the shade. Who am I to complain about making another trip to Ikea? 

This lamp in the guest room is leaning. It is almost 10 years old though so I guess I can't blame it all on him. I can blame this on him though...

Missing beads and a missing ribbon around the top. That was all Little Man.

The lamps in the master bedroom look just fine. Until you turn them on. The light bulbs are tightly screwed in but you would never know it. They flicker rather badly.

Oh, toddlers and lamps.

The things they can manage to do when you walk out of the room for a minute. 

They're quick, they are.

The toddlers, that is. The lamps...eh, not so much.